Unrealistic Marriage Expectations

 Marriage, often regarded as the union of two souls and families, has increasingly become a negotiation heavily cantered around material gains. This is a topic I feel compelled to write about, based on my personal experiences and observations. Society, family pressure, and the ticking biological clock often push men like me into the labyrinth of matrimonial websites, a space where traditional matchmaking intersects with modern aspirations.

What I’ve witnessed there, however, is disheartening. It’s not just the process that seems flawed but the expectations that many women and their families bring to the table.

Let me give you a glimpse. On numerous profiles of women aged around 25, I see a common demand: a groom earning an annual salary of at least ₹25 lakh. In some cases, the expectation shoots up to ₹70 lakh or even ₹1 crore. Now, let’s put this into perspective, these demands often come from women who are themselves simple graduates, without a lucrative career, or, in some cases, without any career at all. It baffles me to think about what they are offering in return for such a monumental expectation.

This isn’t about diminishing anyone’s self-worth or ambitions. Every individual has the right to dream of a better life. But when these dreams transform into rigid checklists that revolve solely around monetary worth, it begs the question: Is salary the sole criterion for a successful marriage?

I encountered one such incident that left a sour taste in my mouth. A relative of a prospective bride, someone I had been introduced to via family connections asked me for my last month’s salary slip. Imagine the absurdity of being reduced to a piece of paper that declares your financial standing. It wasn’t about compatibility, shared goals, or even mutual respect. It boiled down to numbers and nothing else.

What concerns me most is not just the unrealistic expectations but the underlying mindset they reflect. By demanding such high salaries from men of the same age group, these families seem to ignore the hard realities of life. Most men in their late 20s or early 30s are still climbing the professional ladder. They are striving to establish themselves, often burdened with student loans, family responsibilities, and the cost of living in urban areas. To expect them to earn crores at such a stage of life is not only impractical but also deeply unfair.

This brings me to a fundamental question: What is the foundation of a successful marriage? Isn’t it about mutual understanding, shared responsibilities, and the ability to grow together? When did it become an economic transaction where one party is evaluated based on their earning potential, while the other offers little beyond a sense of entitlement?

Marriage should be about building a life together, not finding someone who has already built a life that meets your checklist. It’s disheartening to see how materialism has crept into a sacred bond that should be about love, trust, and companionship. When families prioritize salary over qualities like kindness, empathy, and compatibility, they reduce marriage to a cold, calculated deal.

I’m not saying that financial stability isn’t important. It absolutely is. But there’s a difference between seeking stability and demanding opulence. A man earning ₹25 lakh or ₹1 crore may not necessarily guarantee a happy marriage. What about his values? His ability to handle challenges? His willingness to support his partner emotionally and mentally?

On the other hand, it’s worth asking what women and their families are bringing to the table when making such lofty demands. Are they equally invested in the man’s growth and well-being? Are they willing to contribute to building a life together, or are they merely looking for a free ride into a life of luxury?

This culture of unrealistic expectations not only places undue pressure on men but also distorts the very essence of marriage. It creates a transactional dynamic where both parties lose out on the chance to form a genuine connection.

As someone who has faced these issues firsthand, I can’t help but feel frustrated. It’s not just about me; it’s about the countless others who are judged and dismissed based on arbitrary benchmarks. It’s about the young men who are left feeling inadequate, no matter how hard they work, and the young women who tie their self-worth to the financial status of their future spouse.

Perhaps it’s time we, as a society, redefined what we value in a partner and in a marriage. Let’s move beyond the numbers and look at the person behind the profile. Let’s prioritize qualities that truly matter in the long run: integrity, kindness, resilience, and the willingness to grow together.

Marriage should not be about ticking off a checklist of materialistic demands. It should be about finding someone who stands by you through thick and thin, someone who respects you for who you are, not just what you earn.

If we continue down this path of unrealistic expectations, we risk losing the very essence of what makes marriage beautiful. It’s time to rethink our priorities and rebuild the institution of marriage on a foundation of love, respect, and shared dreams.

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