Marriage, At What Cost?

 

Marriage, once considered a sacred bond between two souls, a lifelong partnership of love, understanding, and shared dreams, has gradually transformed into something far more materialistic, demanding, and one-sided, especially for men. As someone who has personally experienced the world of matrimonial websites, arranged meetings, and societal pressure, I feel it’s important to reflect honestly on this evolving concept. What once promised companionship now feels like a transaction heavily tilted against men, where the emotional and financial burdens fall almost entirely on one side.

I’ve seen countless matrimonial profiles of women in their mid-20s, most of them ordinary graduates with no serious career ambitions, demanding that the prospective groom must earn anywhere between ₹25 lakh to ₹1 crore annually. This is not an exaggeration. It has become a common demand, so common, in fact, that it has begun to feel like a norm rather than an exception. And what makes it worse is that these demands are rarely matched with a sense of what they themselves bring into the marriage apart from their presence. There is little discussion of mutual values, goals, or emotional compatibility. All that matters is the number on the man’s salary slip.

In one instance, a family member of a prospective bride casually asked me for my latest salary slip, as if I were applying for a loan. Not a word about who I am as a person, my beliefs, my interests, or what kind of life I envision. It all came down to one thing, how much I earn. And this, unfortunately, isn’t just one bad experience. It reflects a deeper issue. Marriage today, at least in many Indian urban settings, has been reduced to a financial agreement, with the man expected to provide the lifestyle, while the woman and her family often bring in a sense of entitlement without proportional contributions, whether emotional, financial, or otherwise.

For men in their late twenties or early thirties, life isn’t as simple as it may seem on paper. Many are still establishing their careers, repaying education loans, supporting their families, and coping with the pressures of urban life. To expect a man at this stage to already be earning in crores is not just unrealistic, it’s deeply unfair. The question that arises here is simple: what is marriage offering a man in today’s scenario? In most cases, it brings additional pressure, expectations, responsibilities, and the risk of legal and emotional trauma if the marriage doesn’t work out. From alimony claims to custody battles, it’s the man who often ends up on the losing side, emotionally, financially, and mentally.

Traditionally, marriage promised companionship, emotional bonding, mutual growth, and shared responsibilities. But today, it’s often about ticking boxes: a high salary, a well-furnished flat, a car, family status, looks, and job designation. Qualities like kindness, honesty, empathy, and emotional maturity take a backseat. If a man fails to meet these superficial checklists, he is rejected, no matter how good a partner he could be on a deeper level. What’s more alarming is that no one is asking what the man wants from a marriage. His emotional needs, his dreams, his well-being, are all conveniently ignored in the process.

It makes one wonder, what’s the point of marrying at all? If a man has to give up his financial stability, peace of mind, independence, and sometimes even dignity in the process, why should he tie himself into a commitment that offers him little to no assurance of happiness or support in return? With changing times and evolving relationship dynamics, many men are now beginning to ask themselves this uncomfortable but necessary question. What does marriage offer today that can’t be found outside of it? Emotional support? Not guaranteed. Physical intimacy? Possible without marriage. Companionship? Can be built through friendships and meaningful connections that don’t involve legal bindings.

Let’s be clear, this isn’t about being anti-marriage or dismissing the value of love and relationships. There are still beautiful, rare examples of marriages that thrive on mutual respect and partnership. But those examples are few and far between. What we see more often is a culture where marriage is used as a tool to climb the social ladder or secure financial stability, at the man’s expense. And while society may continue to pressure men into marrying just because “it’s time” or “log kya kahenge,” the truth is that more men are waking up to the imbalance and choosing not to settle.

The institution of marriage needs a serious reality check. It cannot continue to operate as a one-sided deal where men are constantly judged, weighed, and burdened. Relationships should be built on mutual respect, shared values, and the willingness to grow together, not on pay packages and property lists. A man’s worth is not in his income but in his character, his effort, and his commitment. And if marriages continue to ignore that, more and more men will rightly choose to walk away.

Marriage should be a choice, not an obligation. And certainly not a sacrifice that offers little in return. If the system doesn't treat men fairly, then men have every right to step back and rethink what truly matters to them. Because at the end of the day, peace of mind, self-respect, and emotional fulfilment are far more valuable than any tradition forced down one's throat. Let society say what it wants, every man deserves to live life on his own terms.